I. Reconsidering the Larger Concerns
Work through the paper and record a comment in the margin of
each paragraph. Consider the following:
- How does this paragraph fit within the context of the virtue/vice analysis?
- Is this paragraph unified? Note sentences or ideas that seem to get off track.
- Where are the transitional phrases/sentences? Do they adequately signal a change/extension of topic?
- Isolate any phrasing in the paragraph that appears wordy, awkward, or informal.
- Are quotations appropriately integrated and cited? Has the writer included a Works Cited page?
II. Revising with the Paramedic Method
The Paramedic Method, devised by Richard Lanham and
described in his book Revising Prose, seeks to rid writing of the
"official style"--prose riddled with prepositional phrases and
defined by its conflated syntax. The activity below intends to tighten syntax
and streamline sentences into concise, expressive units of meaning. Note that
removing all prepositions or "to be" verbs from a sentence is not the
intent here.
- Circle/highlight
each of the prepositional phrases present in the draft
(remember: by, of, from, for, to, in, etc.).
Too many prepositions can drain all the action out of a sentence. Revise at least one sentence per paragraph using the following guidelines: - Get
rid of excessive prepositions and find a strong active verb to make the
sentence direct.
- Original:
In this passage is an example of the use of the rule of justice in
argumentation.
- Revised:
This passage exemplifies argumentation using the rule of justice.
- Prepositions
associated with verbs often signal stylistic informality. Again, revise
with a stronger active verb.
- Original:
The study's purpose was to follow up on research previously conducted
in the field of composition studies.
- Revised:
The study's purpose was to continue research previously conducted in
composition studies.
- Underline/highlight
the "to be" verbs (am, is, are, was, were, be,
being, been).
Using "to be" verbs gets the sentence off to a slow start and makes the sentence weak. Revise at least one sentence per paragraph based on the following: - When
possible, replace "to be" verbs with action verbs.
- Original:
The point I wish to make is that fish sleep with their eyes open.
- Revised:
Fish sleep with their eyes open.
- Change
passive voice to active voice.
- Original:
The content of Georg Lichtenberg's commentaries has been reconsidered
by Ronald Paulson.
- Revised:
Ronald Paulson reconsiders the content of Georg Lichtenberg's
commentaries.
- After marking as directed and revising at least two sentences per paragraph on your peer's paper, return to your own work and consider further revisions based on the abundance of prepositional phrases and "to be" verbs.
